


Knock Me Up

by katling



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2019 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Civil War Team Iron Man, M/M, Not Steve Friendly, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Endgame, but no actual mpreg, may actually be crack, mentions of mpreg, perilously close to crack, presumably, the crossover I never thought I'd write, without actually knowing what's going to happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 20:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17690285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katling/pseuds/katling
Summary: Tony's so bored in his meeting he's ready to stab himself with a pen to get out of it. Then Jack arrives to make it a whole lot less boring.Written for the Tony Stark Bingo 2019 - Square T1 - Pregnancy/Mpreg(Yeah, I never thought I'd write mpreg either and I was going to trade in the square but then I had an idea so... just read it before you let your squick make you pass it by.)





	Knock Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a turn up for the books - me writing mpreg. Or suggested mpreg. It's a major squick of mine but the one character I can cope with it for is Jack Harkness because it's canon. First episode of Torchwood. 
> 
> And why is Jack Tony's boyfriend? *shrugs* I don't know. Just go with it.
> 
> Comment moderation turned on to preempt the trolls.

Tony was bored. So bored. So very bored. Bored enough that he was actively contemplating stabbing himself in the hand with Hope’s pen if it would get him out of this interminable meeting. The only reason he hadn’t done that already was because Rhodey had caught his eye about five minutes ago and somehow divined that Tony was contemplating drastic action and had put on his “Tony, behave or I will tell stories about you that you never wanted revealed” face. Considering how long he’d known Rhodey and how many shenanigans they’d gotten involved in, that was a serious threat.

Besides, Carol was running the meeting and while Tony adored her and considered the little teenage romance going on between her and Rhodey as the cutest thing ever, he would also freely admit that she was even scarier than Pepper when she wanted to be. 

Though why she wasn’t being that scary right now was beyond Tony’s comprehension. Rogers was droning on and on… and on… and on… and on. Most of it was baseless, whining complaints about how Tony was being _mean_ to the returned rogues by refusing to be their sugar daddy, punching bag and whipping boy again. He glanced down at his tablet when it subtly flashed at him and saw a message from Carol. Apparently she was recording all of this in order to give Rogers enough rope to hang himself and she’d appreciate his patience for just a little longer.

Tony sighed and slumped down in his seat a bit more, ignoring the disapproving look from Rogers’ merry morons across the table and resigning himself to at least another hour of boredom. Rogers looked like he could go on for at least that long.

Suddenly, the door flew open with a bang and a handsome man wearing a long World War 2 era coat strode in, a flirtatious smile on his face. Tony was torn between leaping up to kiss the man and trying to hide from the impending disaster that Jack’s abrupt appearance boded.

“Tony!” the man said, his smile warming into something rather mischievous. “Be my baby daddy.”

Tony blinked and would have burst into laughter at the looks on everyone else’s faces if he wasn’t so baffled by what had just been said. “Say what now?”

“I need to pretend I’m pregnant so I need someone to be the father,” Jack said. “As my boyfriend, you’d be perfect.”

“Uhuh,” Tony said slowly. “In case you hadn’t noticed we’re both distinctly anatomically male. Unless you’ve been hiding alternate body parts or an ability to shapeshift from me.”

“I’m a 51st century kind of guy, Tony,” Jack replied as if that answered everything.

For Tony, it actually did, though from the splutters from the other side of the table, there was still confusion in the air. But Tony knew about Jack’s psychic abilities and his pheromones so it wasn’t really much of a stretch to believe that men could get pregnant as well in the 51st century.

“Wait,” he said as something occurred to him. “We haven’t been…”

Jack waved a hand. “It takes a bit more preparation than that. We’re fine.”

“Tones,” Rhodey said with weary amusement. “Could you and your weirdo boyfriend please take your bizarro plans out of the room before my brain explodes? Again.”

“Oooh, definitely,” Tony said, leaping to his feet with alacrity at the newly-presented escape from boredom. He’d have the weirdest conversation possible if it got him out of this meeting.

“I haven’t finished,” Rogers said with what Tony always considered his ‘Face of Disappointment™’. 

Before Tony could say anything, Jack leaned forward with a frown. “I know you, don’t I? France, wasn’t it? The Howling Commandos? You were tagging along with that absolutely gorgeous Sergeant with the awesome coat.” He winked at Tony. “It’s a shame _he’s_ not around anymore. You and him and me would be an experience to render even me speechless.”

Tony got what he was sure was a _very_ complicated expression on his face then he quickly grabbed Jack’s hand before Rogers could recover from what had just been said and put two and two together about what Jack meant. “Let’s go talk about getting you pretend pregnant,” he said hurriedly before dragging Jack towards the door.

“You know,” Jack said, his voice trailing back into the room even as Tony pulled him out of it. “That blond guy would look so much cuter if he was about a foot shorter and several pounds lighter…”


End file.
